I Didn’t Know… Mom Owned a Bathing Suit

In 2010 my daughter went to college out of state. Lindsay was 18. It was her first time sleeping outside her own bedroom. She is gregarious by nature – I didn’t have a lot of worries when I boarded the plane to leave, but I did tell her I would call regularly to make sure she was OK. And I did. Day 1. Day 2. Day 3. Each day Lindsay filled me in on all the “news”. New classes, new friends, new foods, new college experiences. Then she stopped answering as often. Days at a time would pass and except for an occasional text – I didn’t talk to her as often. When I could catch her our conversation would begin with an apology for the silence. “Mom, I’m so busy. Mom I was with (new friend). Mom, I was playing volleyball.” I told her that I knew she was OK when she stopped answering her phone. I knew that the silence meant she was off and living.

I remembered that when the adult daughter of one of my real estate clients told me a version of the same thing. We had just sold the family home and Sarah’s mother, Lorraine, was living in a comfortable apartment in a beautiful retirement facility. Lorraine had fought the move. For years Sarah (who lives in another state) had encouraged her Mom to move and for years Lorraine had said she didn’t want to leave her familiar home. As her mother’s health declined, Sarah and Lorraine knew that moving somewhere safe was a hard, but necessary decision. On that “drop off” day, Sarah told her Mom she would call every day to check in on her. And she did. Day 1. Day 2. Day 3. Every phone call Sarah would hear the “news”. New classes, new friends, new foods, new retirement experiences. And then Lorraine stopped answering. At one point Sarah got concerned and called the facility administrator. Is my Mom OK? I can’t get her on the phone. “I can see her right now…” said the administrator, she’s playing cards with friends and I saw her this morning in a water aerobics class. “ “Water aerobics!” said Sarah. “I didn’t know my Mom owned a bathing suit!” Her Mom was off and living.

The staff at retirement communities and condo communities will tell you that the only consistent regret they hear from their residents is that the move wasn’t made sooner. Downsizing is good for your health: mentally and physically. Some of the benefits of downsizing:

  • Less Stress!  “Stuff” is stressful. Having it. Looking at it. The knowledge that we have to get rid of it. The more we own, the more our possessions tend to own us. Taking care of “stuff” – including our home is stressful and expensive. Many homeowners agree that a larger home leads to more stress as well as upkeep, including more cleaning, maintenance, furnishing and higher costs, which lead to more stress.
  • Healthy Activities:  Downsizing means that you’ll have fewer daily chores and more time for healthy activities like sports and exercising as well as getting more rest. Many retirement-oriented communities encourage and provide resources for physical activities you can’t do at home… or alone. Pools, walking paths, fitness facilities (and friends to go with you) will put you on the way to a healthier life.
  • New Friends:  The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services reports that more than 28% of adults over the age of 65 live alone, and 46% of women age 75 and older live alone. This is hard. And dangerous. Loneliness is a daily battle for many seniors and being alone in a medical emergency is a very legitimate fear. Community living solves this. You can be as independent as you want; you can be as social as you want. A community of like-aged and like-minded people means you will certainly have friends close by when and if you need them.

So, when your son or daughter or friend or family member gently asks you to consider the move to a retirement community… listen. Know that the move to Over-55 living can mean a rewarding final chapter of a life well-lived. (And you don’t have to hear “I told you so…” You’re too busy to answer the phone!)

Tip #1: Avoid Tackling Everything at Once

You’ve heard the truism “a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step”. This is true when it comes to getting rid of ‘stuff.’ The challenge of removing a mountain of ‘things’ begins with disposing of the first thing. Too many people get overwhelmed by the height or volume of the mountain and never begin. I call it “frozen” in indecision. The mountain can be moved if you tackle the project one space at a time. (I don’t even say one ‘room’ at a time because sometimes that is overwhelming.)

Let’s start with a closet.

Begin with establishing four ‘piles’ for your decisions. Keep, donate, dispose, or sell. Give yourself 48 hours to act on your decision to donate, dispose or sell, otherwise the decisions will just become another pile. Pull every item out of the closet and put in one of the four piles. If your “keep” pile is the recipient of most of your generosity – you’ve got to be harder on yourself.

Is it clothing? Try it on. If it doesn’t fit, isn’t in style, or you haven’t worn it in a year put it in one of the other three piles. Someone needs it. Your overflow is someone else’s provision. Don’t fall into the trap of “maybe” or “I might” – that’s what caused your clutter to begin with. Is it the ‘stuff’ of life: books, CD’s, games, etc. If it hasn’t been pulled from your closet in over a year it goes into one of the three piles to get rid of. When you are finished, return to the closet the “keep” items: you should have left only the favorite items you use on a regular basis and your closet should have considerable more order.

Now, let’s tackle the remaining piles.

Let’s start with the trash: that’s easy, throw them away.

Now, the giveaway pile. Immediately put the giveaway items in a box or bag and put them in the backseat of your vehicle. If they are ‘giveaway’ to a specific person, but them in a box labeled for the person. (Make sure you ask if the recipient wants your ‘gift’, don’t assume.) If they are ‘giveaway’ to charity, put them in another box. Don’t put the boxes in the trunk – the trunk becomes an out-of-sight-out-of-mind disposal site. The next time you are running errands you are always aware of these items in your back seat. Drop them off at the friend or family member or the donation site as you are in the area.

Finally, the “Sell” items. There are many online resources to sell your unwanted items. I’ve found great success with Facebook marketplace; for larger volume there are companies like www.EBTH.com; for entire estate or household sales there are many local online and physical auction houses. The key is – know how to handle the online market place or hire someone to do it. If you have an entire household of “stuff” you are often better off setting aside “sale” items and having a professional handle it for you.

Give yourself a goal of one ‘space’ a week to clear. If the ‘space’ is a room, give yourself time to thoroughly inventory the ‘stuff’ so that you are keeping only the essential, loved, or items that give you joy.

The Kathy Chiero Group of Keller Williams Greater Columbus specializes in helping homeowners “downsize”. We are the creators and presenters of Central Ohio’s premier downsizing event, DownSize Columbus. How can we help you? Contact us for a free in-home analysis of the value of your home, tips for getting your home sale ready and additional resources for getting rid of stuff.

Tip #2: You Only Need One of Most Things

I make a living walking through the homes of strangers. I could be an expert witness if Americans could be put on trial for having too much stuff. George Foreman is a very rich man because every household owns at least two of his grills.

I was recently meeting with a homeowner who was ready to downsize. They were selling their 4000 square foot home (with a full basement, full of ‘stuff’) and had begun the “keep, sell, donate, trash…” process of parting with their belongings. I noticed in the “keep” pile several boxes marked “Christmas”. I asked where they were moving. They said to a 1700 square foot condo without a basement. I asked about the large amount of ‘Christmas’ going with them and (she) admitted that she couldn’t bear to part with the décor that had framed this wonderful holiday in their home for over 30 years. And, she said, “We’re not sure what we’ll need in the condo and it would be a shame to have to buy it all again.” True. But I can very competently assure them that they won’t need, nor have room for 16 wreaths.

Downsizing means parting with a lot. In a previous blog (Tip #1: Avoid Tackling Everything at Once) I wrote about thoughtfully sorting through your home and keeping only the items that are essential, you love, or bring joy. In this blog we emphasize the first of that troika of advice: take only things that are essential. And, by extension of that definition: you only need one of most things. While each of 16 Christmas wreaths has a special memory: 15 of them are likely to take up space in a box, never seen at your new home. Pick one.

The kitchen is the sacred Temple of Too Much Stuff. How much dishware does two people (or one) need? How many serving spoons? How many mixers, griddles, pans, or toasters? Probably half of what you own would suffice. And, this is an area that local donation sites would LOVE your stuff. In Columbus we have ministries and non-profit charities which help immigrant families or working poor get settled into homes. For a tax donation credit you can bless these families with your culinary dust-collectors (and they will get used. Every day.)

Linen closets: when you were raising kids it was necessary to have a linen closet full of sheets and towels. Do you even own the beds anymore that fit the sheets? Will those beds be going with you? Do all of those towels need to go with you? No. Pick the ones you use, love, or bring you joy and donate the rest.

Toys, Games, and Electronics: For decades you have been the Keep of all Things Kids. Now is the time to pass the “stuff” mantle on to the next generation. Most of these things you don’t use, you don’t love them, and they don’t bring you joy. You’re keeping them for the people you love and bring you joy, your adult children. Like the dinner bell call of our grandparents: “COME AND GET IT!!” (Or it will be gone…)

The Kathy Chiero Group of Keller Williams Greater Columbus specializes in helping homeowners “downsize”. We are the creators and presenters of Central Ohio’s premier downsizing event, DownSize Columbus. How can we help you? Click here for a complete list of “getting rid of stuff” tips and resources and a free in-home analysis of the value of your home www.GotStuff-GetHelp.com

Tip #3: Use the New Space as a Guide

One of the most common excuses I hear from downsizing homeowners about not getting rid of “stuff” is this: “I don’t know where I’m going so I’m not sure what I will need or not need.” Can I gently help you? With respect… and very few exceptions… I DO know where you are moving. You are moving to a much smaller space. For most of you your new “space” will be a kitchen, one main living area, one-to-three bedrooms, and one or two bathrooms. You might have a 1- or 2-car garage. If you are moving to a condo you probably will not have a basement. In total you will be living in 1700 or less square feet. If your plans are to move to a retirement community or an apartment, your living space will likely be on the smaller side: 900 – 1100 square feet with only one bedroom.

What does that look like? If you are living in a 2400 square foot two story, imagine living only on the main floor.

With that in mind, you no longer have an excuse. Now you can look at your belongings in your current home and ask yourself “which of my three or four living areas (living room, kitchen, or bedroom/s) will this item go in? If there is not a room for it, it can’t go with you. Sounds simple, but the decision making can be excruciating. The furniture, décor, and household items you own are in your home because at one point you brought them there for use or enjoyment. There is very little you don’t “like” and a lot you are attached to. (And, let’s be honest, most of us are not excited about making the move to begin with, much less pouring salt on that wound by having to rid ourselves of things we love!)

If you have trouble visualizing the new space, go walk through a condominium model home this weekend. Visit an apartment complex and walk through the model of a floor plan you would consider. Or, ask for a tour of the retirement community you are considering. “Feel” the space and visualize where your things will go. Many of these communities will give you a drawn floor plan with room measurements so that you can more accurately and realistically “place” your furniture items.

Storage is at a premium in these kinds of communities. You may have a garage if you’re fortunate, or more likely, a large closet or maybe a storage “bin” in a community area. The days of just “put it in the basement” are gone – every inch must be allotted to the items you use every day.

The Kathy Chiero Group of Keller Williams Greater Columbus specializes in helping homeowners “downsize”. We would be happy to help you by showing condos or homes to you which fit your budget and downsize plans.

We are the creators and presenters of Central Ohio’s premier downsizing event, DownSize Columbus. How can we help you? Click here for a complete list of “getting rid of stuff” tips and resources and a free in-home analysis of the value of your home www.GotStuff-GetHelp.com

When a Man Dies, a Library Burns Down

There is a Russian proverb that says “when a man dies, a library burns down.”

My pre-real estate career was that of a news reporter.  I worked for a nationwide cable news network and traveled our nation on assignment.   In 1990 I was asked to cover the reopening of Ellis Island.  After the immigration station closed in November 1954, the buildings fell into disrepair and were abandoned.   Peeling paint was the décor and rats were the residents until the site was named a National Landmark in 1966 and monies were dedicated to its restoration. (It’s marvelous restoration if you never visited…)

My job was to find someone who had “come over on the boat.”  That iconic person who remembers the vision of the Statue of Liberty after weeks on open seas.   Old enough to have been there, but young enough to articulate the memories of Ellis Island processing.    This was pre-internet and the only way to find that person was to sit in a dusty closet in a Manhattan Immigration field office.  I was pointed to boxes full of paper files; some semblance of organization but a far cry from the web-based data systems that spoil us today.

I don’t remember her name.  I will call her Olga.  But I remember she lived on the 63rd floor of a New York high rise, her home for over 50 years.  She was from Poland and was 14 when she came to America.  For two hours Olga told her story:  A narrow escape from the Nazi Wehrmacht, the tide of fear which followed  Germany’s politico-military power.   She cried when she saw the Statue of Liberty; she feared the health tests on Ellis Island would send her back.

Her story forever captured on videotape, we said goodbye and I rode 63 floors down to the busy streets of Manhattan.   As I was walking away from her building I looked up.  I wondered which window was Olga’s?  One window in a sea of windows.  One building in a sea of buildings. One city in a nation of immigrants.  All the people passing by…did they know what a treasure lived midway up this highrise? How many more stories are behind those windows?  How many Olga’s waiting to be asked?

What is your story? What a tragedy to allow your story to burn without sharing it! One of the benefits of age is the wisdom of experience and the rich treasure of life stories. What treasures of experience do you have to share? Have you ever taken the time to ask a stranger? How much richer would we be if we stopped to ask and to listen to the person behind the window on the 63rd floor?

Immaculate Cape Cod on Pauline Street

To everyone else it was just the immaculate cape cod on Pauline Street. To the neighbors it was George and Doreen’s home for over 40 years. By today’s standards, the tidy 1200 square foot bungalow with one bathroom hardly seems big enough for the three boys raised there.  But raised they were, Kevin, Daniel and Rick:  sharing bedrooms and taking over the basement until one by one they moved on to begin their own homes and families.  Even after George died Doreen made sure it was taken care of in the manner of which he would approve.  But the day had inevitably come when even her best efforts were not enough.  It was time to let the house go. 

Doreen called me to sell Pauline Street.  When I arrived with my listing papers in hand, Doreen had her own set of paperwork – all of the maintenance records, warrantees and receipts of home improvement and maintenance.  Four decades of care in a plain yellow folder.  Her sons, long moved out of state, were eager for her put the house behind her and come closer to the grandkids. Doreen wasn’t so sure.  After all – 1461 Pauline Street wasn’t just a house.  It was a box.  A Memory Box of sorts.  Every room held a story; every inch of that home told of family and love; celebration and loss; growth and change.  Where a visitor saw an empty corner, Doreen saw where the Christmas tree stood.  Where a bedroom sat empty of furniture – Doreen’s eyes saw two twin beds and Kevin’s guitar which always sat along that wall.  And where a guest saw a tiny kitchen, Doreen remembered how many people crowded in for Daniel’s fifth birthday.  Leaving wasn’t easy.  Too much life had been lived in those rooms.

I sold the home on Pauline Street.  My last phone call from Doreen came about three hours before closing.  “This might seem strange,” she said.  “But the boys are here to take me with them and we want to say good bye to the house.  Can we go through it one more time?”  Of course, I said.  It wasn’t a strange request at all.  As a professional Realtor I long ago grew accustomed to (and shared myself) the unique attachment we have to our homes.   I met Doreen at the home. She was accompanied by Rick, Kevin and Daniel – now grown men, coming back to the home that represented their childhood.  I silently watched and followed as they walked around the yard and moved through the now vacant rooms. They laughed.  They told stories.  Every story began with “do you remember…” and ended with a friendly disagreement on the details of the long ago tale that had its genesis in this humble cape cod.  And they cried.  Unashamedly three grown men cried as they locked the door on their past one last time.  

I cried too.  Because I know that the door we shut for the last time was more than a repetition of a gesture done 1000’s of times over the life of this home.  It was shutting the door on a life, a time in history, and a family that would never exist again at 1461 Pauline Street.   Certainly there is life to be lived in the next chapter; good memories to be made; laughter to be had and holidays to be shared. But the transition to the last chapter is rarely easy and even when it holds great promise, it is hard to imagine that it will bring the same joy as a chapter well written.

Occasionally, I still drive by the house on Pauline Street.  New memories are being made there by a young family.   Sometimes I wonder if they know how special their home is?  If they ever want the details, I know three adult men who have stories to tell.  

Gary Tjader Came On My Radar When I Broke a Toilet Tank Lid

Gary Tjader came on my radar when I broke a toilet tank lid. Yes. That pesky piece which one doesn’t appreciate until it slips from your hand, breaks and you are forced to look at replacing. I went to Google. And I found Gary. Gary’s website www.toilettanklids.com is an entire website devoted to, yes, you guessed it: toilet tank lids! What fascinated me about his website was not only the volume, style, and array of lids Tjader carries from his Los Altos, California shop but his ENTHUSIASM for toilet tank lids. I mean, this man is EXCITED about his product! Gary’s early career as a salesman for a plumbing parts supplier caused him to stumble across a need: Tjader narrowed his expertise to toilet tank lids and the hunt was on! Even a heap of trash bearing a couple of tank lids became a gold mine during one Lake Tahoe ski vacation, says Tjader, who collects 20 to 40 lids per month. He knows the history of lids, has identified the rare (and rare-er!) ones, and provides more education about lids than you ever thought you wanted to know. What are they made of? (Vitreous China) How much do they weigh? (An average of 10 lbs.) What colors do they come in? ( Dozens. More than you ever imagined.) Gary is so deep in toilet tank knowledge that he even has a toilet trivia page to enjoy well, while you’re on the toilet. (Myth debunked: Sir Thomas Crapper did NOT invent the toilet.) Tjader says he does make a living at selling lids but he also loves the “touchdown” feeling of finding that elusive lid.

Why is this important? Because most of us live a lifetime doing SOMETHING but rarely get to devote time to doing THE THING that spurs our passion. There is an emptiness which follows when that predictable something winds down. It is often replaced with a subtle fear that the best of your life is behind you; that your very significance was attached to that thing and is lost in the retiring. Take a moment to remember that passion that may have lain dormant for years. It may even be difficult to remember what it was. Maybe now is the time. Rethink Retirement. Perhaps retirement can mean the retiring of the ‘have-to’s ‘ and the commencing of the want to’s. The time not spent with your hand to the grindstone could be spent with your hand to the paint brush or the classroom or the telescope.

What is your passion? What breadth of knowledge have you collected over a lifetime? What is the subject that gets you excited enough that you could devote a web page of multiple links or moderate a discussion group? Rather than mourn the loss of child-centered life or job-centered routine, celebrate the gift of time. Time to pursue and research; time do meet and do; time to go and explore. Then share. Share your knowledge, share your discoveries, share your talent. Gary Tjader is arguably the most knowledgeable man on the planet in toilet tank lids – which leads to his offering this piece of advice for retirees looking for that “next thing”: build on your base of knowledge for the greatest chance at success. Gary’s success comes from decades in the field, but his passion is fueled by a genuine interest in the product.

In the words of Billy Joel: “You can be what you want. Or you can just be old.” None of us want to ‘just be old’ – we want to maintain the vitality and spark that come with maturity, experience, and excitement in our unique brand of knowledge, skill, and abilities. And, as Gary showed me, it is not the item of specific interest that matters; it is the enthusiasm for SOMETHING that draws others to you.

No Charlotte You’re Not Alone… And You’re Not Crazy

I was packing up after another DownSize Columbus event.  The Kathy Chiero Group has presented over a dozen of these seminars,  hosting over 2000  Central Ohio downsizers.  Charlotte, a woman in her mid-70’s walked up to me and said “I just want to thank you for showing me that I’m not alone and I’m not crazy.”   She went on to tell me that the decision to downsize was overwhelming to her.  More accurately, when she began facing the multitude of decisions that go into  this transition we call ‘downsizing’ – she was overwhelmed.

No Charlotte, you’re not alone and you’re not crazy.  Over 9000 Americans a day are turning 55 and many of them are, or will, face the same decisions you are.  However, there are cultural , sociological, medical, and financial reasons this transition is more complex than in preceding generations.  Whether you enter this  “Act 3” with an ensemble cast or standing on stage alone – entering these years on your terms involves careful planning and execution.   When I began presenting the DownSize Columbus seminar in 2013 I naively believed it was all about selling the house.  Over the years I have listened to my attendees and gone through a downsize myself.   I have learned that while selling a residence is a piece of the downsize puzzle it is a relatively small piece and one of the last pieces to complete the transition picture.   In the middle is a myriad of decisions which  makes one feel like you’re in a real life corn maze: dead ends and blind turns, back tracking and second –guessing.  All the while facing an unstoppable move of time in which you hope your decisions lead you out of the maze wisely, successfully, and happily.

What has changed?

The downsize decision is often not yours:  Many of you are considering selling your home and moving to a smaller space because you are being told you need to. Your children, your doctors, your spouse are insisting that you make a move that you may not feel you need to, may not want,  and are not ready to make.

Our kids do not live near us:  Increased mobility, jobs, spouses from different states (or countries) means that our children are no longer down the street.  While they love us and want the best for us they are not physically there or able to do for us.  Much of the (sometimes literal) heavy lifting of the downsize decision and move is left in the head and hands of the downsizer and spouse.  If the spouse is deceased or divorce has left you single these decisions can be intimidating, frightening and overwhelming.   The response can be that you are immobilized by the fear of making a mistake. This, in itself, can be the biggest mistake you make.

Our kids do not want our stuff:  When I began DownSize Columbus I quickly learned that “getting rid of stuff” was Job #1 – and the most difficult faced by seniors.  We moved through life saving things with the assumption that the children and grandchildren would want the family furniture; grandma’s china, and Aunt Tilly’s 1920-era armoire.   If you haven’t discovered already: they don’t.  If it wasn’t purchased at Front Room, Ikea, or The Pottery Barn it doesn’t fit in their home or lifestyle.  This means much of it has to go.  Where?  There are resources to sell, give away for tax deduction, or throw away these items but the first step is  yours: a commitment to tackle one room at a time and empty your life, home, and psyche of “stuff”.

When should you start thinking about downsizing?  Earlier than you think.  In my experience it takes two to three years to get to the point of sale of residence and transition when the task is tackled with purpose, a plan, help and deadlines.  It doesn’t just happen.   As a Realtor I have had to witness adult children suspend grief over the loss of a parent because they were mired for months, even years, in settling a parents affairs, selling a home, and divesting the family of Mom and Dad’s “stuff”.   No one wants that for their children.

Where can you start?  Come to DownSize Columbus on Sunday, September 11, 2016 at the Hilton at Easton.  It is a free event where you will meet 25+ transition partners and hear experts in the five major areas of Transition: Medical, Emotional, Legal, Financial, and Residential.   The event is free, but you must register at www.DownsizeColumbus.com     You’ll leave armed with information and the assurance that no, you’re not alone and you’re not crazy.